Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
