hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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