Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
