ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
