Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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