Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
