he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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