I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So vagazzling was a success
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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