My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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