True but thats because hes a fetus.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
People in love make me want to vomit
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
