I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
