a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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