Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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