In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Someone shit on the floor
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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