How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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