Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
