I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
