I'm eating all of the evidence.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
