mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
