Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
