Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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