My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
