We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
