Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Don't make out with my wife yet
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
