I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
