please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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