Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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