I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
