do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
