I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
