yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I hope mine doesn't look like that
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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