I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
