the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
