my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
