glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
