If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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