If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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