No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
