he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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