He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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