I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
