it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
