I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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