Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
