Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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