I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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