Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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