Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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