9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
