i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
