i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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