"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
