This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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