I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have aggressive nipples.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
