mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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