apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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