My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
