We're like a lot better than the average bears
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
