Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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