Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
