She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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