Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
