His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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