remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
