I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
