one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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