Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
