I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
